Talk Topics

    • Not Father Material. Maybe Not Human Material, Either

      What do you do with a man accused of beating a toddler because she interrupted his Xbox playing by walking in front of him? Lord, people suck. That also seems like the kind of person who's capable of practically anything bad. Oh, and, yes, he's "Mom's Boyfriend." Sigh. (Spokesman-Review, Spokane)

    • If This Isn't Clear To You By Now, Make A Note For Next Year

      It's a week since Halloween and we STILL have people apologizing for blackface costumes. This guy at a Boston-area brewery won $100 for second place in a costume contest for portraying the late, lamented Biggie Smalls, which makes me wonder how a party full of people saw that and didn't think it was... unseemly. (WBZ-TV/Boston)

    • Also, Where Would You Even GET Porno Mags In 2017?

      The weirdness is not just about this trailer park knife duel, it's that one of the combatants was wearing porno magazines taped to his body as a shield -- he told cops that's how they do it in prison. So, alcohol-fueled trailer park knife fight and porn mags as protection. That's kind of close to rock bottom. (KXII-TV/Ardmore-Sherman-Denison)

    • Seriously, No Words

      Honestly, I don't have anything to say about the death in a plane crash of Phillies and Blue Jays great Roy Halladay. I'm too numb. He was a special pitcher and, by unanimous acclaim, a great guy. Gone at 40. 2017 sucks. (Philadelphia Inquirer)

    • The Seat Belts Are Chafing

      Honestly, now, do you need more than the headline: "Alberta Mounties arrest five naked people at scene of car crash"? Okay, you want an explanation. There might be none, not yet: two cars crashed, and one was occupied by five naked people. Oh, here's more: the RCMP thinks it wasn't an accident, and adds that "drugs and alcohol may be a factor." Fair enough. (CTV News)

    • The Polar Opposite Of 'Session Beer'

      Once again, Samuel Adams has released its $200 beer that's illegal in 12 states because it has 28% ABV. You're supposed to only sip one ounce of the bottle's 24 ounces, and there are only 13,000 bottles for sale this year. So this is probably not what you're looking for if you usually go for a sixer of PBR. Also, the description makes it sound more like whiskey or wine than beer. But you can't argue with that ABV number. Just don't drive after drinking it for, like, a month. (NJ Advance Media/NJ.com)

    • It's Kind Of An Unusual Replacement For The Chargers, But Whatevs

      Do people really need another reason to visit San Diego? In case they do, the city is planning a new tourism initiative: medical tourism. Now, when I first saw this, I thought they were trying to get people to come to town, stay in hotels on the U.S. side of the border, and cross over to Tijuana for cheap plastic surgery. But no, the idea is that San Diego has some prominent hospitals and they want to promote the idea that you can come and get better care and also enjoy the sun and fish tacos and stuff. And they want to ultimately expand it to international customers as well. Would you consider taking a trip to get surgery? Would you go to San Diego to do it? (San Diego Union-Tribune)

    • Not The Most Appropriate Week For Threatening People With Gun Violence, Either

      Everything's on video now, so teachers can't get away with what they used to get away with. Take the teacher who told a kid who was acting up in class he'd end up with a bullet in the head, telling the kid he's going to end up getting shot by the time he's 21 and that the teacher might be the one who does it. That's the kind of thing some teachers would have said in the past and nobody would have reacted, because nobody would have known but the kids in the class, and who listened to them? Now, everyone whips out their phones, and there's evidence. Which is good in that it means overheated, abusive language isn't going to be tolerated. But it's also bad if the teachers feel like they're under surveillance and one slip away from WorldStar stardom. Meanwhile, the kid's mom wants the teacher fired, so you can debate that. (WSB-TV/Atlanta)

    • Next Year, A Ranch I.V.

      Yes, this year's Hidden Valley Ranch dressing holiday stunt item for sale is a ranch keg. A keg of ranch dressing. It can go with last year's ranch fountain. You want this, and you're disgusted by yourself. (Delish via KCRA-TV/Sacramento)

    • Want Some Fries With Your Camaraderie?

      Want a nice story? Here: A large group of veterans has been gathering at a Wendy's in the Valley for the last 10 years, once a week, every Monday, to just hang out, have some coffee, trade stories and jokes. You know, everyone needs something like that, and it's nice that vets can do that. I won't even question their choice of venue. If they want to do it at a random Wendy's, good on them. (KABC-TV/Los Angeles)

    • Swipe Leftist Or Swipe Right-Wing

      This article is about how dating has become more perilous because of Trump. The big change is that the rule of not talking politics on the first date is out the window, because what else are people gonna talk about in 2017? And, of course, we're so divided that political positions are deal-breakers. Actually, you could say this about any personal relationships these days. It's hostile out there. (Philadelphia Inquirer)

    • The Scent Of The Flowers And The Scent Of The Goat Cancel Each Other Out

      Who would want just flower delivery when you can get your flowers delivered by goat? An Oregon florist now offers just that. What a way to say you care. (KOIN-TV/Portland)

    • The Gritty Reboot Of 'Animal House' Is Kinda Depressing, TBH

      Florida State University has suspended all fraternity and sorority activity in the wake of a student's death from alcohol poisoning. At the same time, another student was arrested for cocaine trafficking in an unrelated bust. Is stuff like this related to frats or is it the kind of stuff you get with or without frats being involved? Were you in a frat or sorority, and was it debauchery or was it a valuable part of your college life? (Tallahassee Democrat)

    • The Alt-Wrong Is Moving From Mom's Basement To Rooftops Now

      Someone climbed onto the roof of a synagogue in South Jersey, ripped out shingles, and used the slabs to spell out racist and homophobic slurs on the skylights of the building. The sheer degree of difficulty, added to the location and content, means that this is beyond just a prank by bored teens. Seems like real racist behavior keeps happening. Wonder what in the last year might have triggered such boldness among racists/anti-Semites/homophobes. Hmm. (South Jersey Times/NJ.com)

    • Stick To Sausage (And Pepperoni, And Onions, And Maybe Diced Tomatoes And Extra Cheese)

      Hey, Papa John's! Can I make a suggestion? If you really don't want the business of the white supremacists who endorsed you over your stand on NFL protests, don't wade into disputes where you end up taking the side of, you know, white supremacists. Good that you're disavowing them, but maybe some reflection on why they became fans of yours in the first place would be appropriate. (Courier-Journal, Louisville)

    • Although It IS SOUTHERN California

      Way back in 1961, a high school in Anaheim opened, and students voted to name the school teams the "Rebels." Which led to mascot Johnny Rebel, the generic Confederate soldier. You can see where this is going. In the current debate, some alumni who were there at the time the name was picked are against change, saying they never meant it to represent slavery, and others say it's time to drop the mascot and move on. Whatever they meant by the name, though, the question remains: What the heck does the Confederacy have to do with Anaheim, California? And if they really didn't mean the association with the Confederacy for "Rebels," who decided Johnny Reb was appropriate? (Orange County Register)

    • And The Airline Charged Him $25 For Checking Himself And $50 For Being Overweight

      Does it make you wonder about airport security -- not the TSA checkpoints but overall -- when you see that a guy managed to dash through the baggage carousel and make it to the tarmac at Miami International Airport? Doesn't that seem too easy? In fairness, he didn't make it far -- they chased and grabbed him pretty quick. But he pretty much strolled up to an empty ticket counter, dove onto the belt, and got through. That isn't ideal. (Miami Herald)

    • It's Actually Pro-Small Business, If Your Usual Dealer Counts As Small Business

      You know how, when they talk about legalizing pot, they say, hey, let's make it legal and tax the hell out of it and everyone benefits? That leaves out one important element, and California's about to learn it: Once government gets involved, they can and will overtax it. How bad? Prices of legal pot in California will be something like 40% more than it costs now for medical dispensary weed, and that's more than the illegal stuff. So, in "taxing the hell out of it," they've not only preserved the market for illegal pot but bolstered it. After all, if you can cut your costs in half by hitting up the black market, you will. (Los Angeles Times)

    • Shut Up And Watch The Show

      Funny, but I was going to write something about going to a concert and having the experience almost ruined by some very drunk, chatty, rude women in the audience who danced and sang along with parts of every song, jostling everyone around them and drowning out the performers. And then I saw this New York Post article about how rude audiences are destroying Broadway by drinking, chatting, shining cell phones at the stage, and generally displaying raised-by-wolves behavior so bad that some actors have interrupted their shows to chide the customers. It goes along with bad behavior in movie audiences, too. Is this a lost cause? Have generations grown up unable to behave themselves in public? (New York Post)

    • Fluffy, We Have To Talk

      Officials in Nova Scotia are warning pet owners to beware of Leptospirosis, a liver and kidney disease that can be fatal. Why pet owners? Because it's the rare disease that can be spread from pets to humans, and it's making the rounds of animals there. They don't say exactly HOW the disease makes the leap, but they counsel increased awareness of hygiene, so you can imagine. (CTV News)

    • Get That Cash Up Front If You Can

      If you're a freelancer or independent contractor, or you own your own small business, you know the problem: It's getting harder to get paid. Clients routinely go past the 180 day mark, make excuses, maybe have problems getting their own clients to pay so they can pay you. And some clients pull the Trump trick of stalling forever, then telling you they'll pay a fraction of what they're owed and if you don't like it, you can sue. It makes working for a salary seem more attractive than ever. And so does the cost of health insurance, but that's another topic. (AP via The Columbian)

    • Santa's Still Wearing Cargo Shorts

      Wait no what Santa's Village in Lake Arrowhead is opening Thursday? And there's Christmas music on the radio, Christmas stuff clogging the "seasonal" sections at Walmart and Target, early "Black Friday" sales... CAN WE WAIT UNTIL THANKSGIVING IS OVER? I know, we do this every year. (KNBC-TV/Los Angeles)

    • Come To Think Of It, I Vaguely Remember Seeing Some Chickens Sneezing

      A University of Pennsylvania researcher thinks he knows why last year's flu vaccine didn't work: It's because they use chicken eggs to grow the virus. Apparently, the chicken eggs can mutate the virus and make it less effective. They make some of the vaccines without chicken eggs for people with allergies; maybe they should look into doing that for everyone.... (Philadelphia Inquirer)

    • Fired Or Not, It Must Still Feel Worth It

      Now that the bicyclist who flipped the finger at Trump's motorcade has been fired from her job at a government contractor, some questions: Why DIDN'T they fire a male employee who actually posted stuff like insults of "libtards" on social media but did fire her, even though she didn't post it to anyplace and was keeping her workplace out of it? Not that they CAN'T fire her for something that might reflect on the company, but if her identity and workplace weren't widely exposed, SHOULD they have pulled that trigger? (Washington Post)

About The Author
Perry Michael Simon

Perry Michael Simon is Vice President and Editor/News-Talk-Sports for AllAccess.com and the former Program Director and Operations Manager at stations like KLSX and KLYY (Y107)/Los Angeles and WKXW (New Jersey 101.5)/Trenton. He's been on-air and written stuff for TV and websites and other stuff he doesn't remember all that well. He can also be found at Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and pmsimon.com, if you're so inclined. And, in addition, he's currently Director of Programming at Legendary Pictures' Nerdist Industries division, home of the Nerdist Podcast Network.


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